Fragment
by FullDarkNoLight
Summary: When Katniss returned home for the first time in four years, she didn't expect to feel so out of place. She wasnt the young, foolish teenager she'd been before, now she was the broken young woman that stared back at her from the mirror. Everlark AU, modern day. No longer a Oneshot, but you only need to read the first chapter if you dont feel like reading the rest. Entry for PiP
1. Broken Pieces

**So _wrote this for a short story contest on another site, and so I had to use OCs instead of fanfiction characters. Usually I picture the characters as Katniss and Peeta, but then add different names, but this time I feel this was influenced by a TV show I was watching. But anyhow, this is AU Everlark so I thought it would be ok. The characters are a bit OOC, but Katniss's father is alive, she has no sister and they don't live in poverty. Also, I wrote this as a Oneshot, but I always felt it had a full length story to go with it. Tell me what you guys think, and I hope you like it_**

* * *

The door opened, letting off the familiar creak that her father had never fixed. Katniss glanced inside, noticing that everything was in the same place as when she'd left. It was strange, glimpsing into the room that had gone untouched for four years, it didn't feel like her room, even though everything was the same. It was like looking into the room of a different Katniss, someone who certainly wasn't her.

A thin layer of dust covered all her belongings, a barrier that separated her from everything that once was. She felt wrong, as if she couldn't touch anything, move anything. As if disrupting the cold stillness of the room would be like going into a stranger's room; the other Katniss's room, the one who was happy, and safe, and loving. She wasn't that Katniss anymore.

The walls were still green, but now it felt somber. Katniss remembered how she'd begged her parents to let her paint them a happy colour, even though her mother had protested. Now she hated the walls that had lived on without her; they seemed inappropriate somehow.

She willed herself to walk, running her hands along the perfectly pressed brown sheets of the bed. She couldn't even call it her bed anymore. It wasn't her bed.

She wished her parents had done something to the room, repainted, or at the very least messed up the sheets a little. The other Katniss would have hated that, but the new her didn't mind at all. The new one didn't want perfect sheets, and unmoved furniture, all things that made her feel more disconnected. She didn't need reminders of what once was; she needed something to have changed, so she'd be allowed to have changed too. It was like the room was forcing her to be the other Katniss, the one who belonged in this room.

Katniss sat down, pulling the sheets up over her head, and curling into a ball beneath the covers. She messed up the bedspread, throwing her pillow to the floor.

Oh how she longed to be the other Katniss. Her heart ached at the thought that it was unattainable. Too much had happened, too much had changed. She choked on her sobs, letting tears streak down her face. She couldn't even remember what it felt like before, what it was like hiding out in this room. The countless hours she'd spent under these very covers seemed so far away.

"Kat?" her mother's voice came from down the hall. "Dinner's ready."

Katniss pushed off the covers, wiping at her eyes. None of this felt right.

She stood up, and for the first time in four years, she caught a glimpse of her face. The dusty old mirror glared at her, showing everything that she'd lost. The other Katniss had been pretty, but this Katniss had dark, hollow cheeks, and bloodshot eyes. This Katniss's face showed that she'd been underfed, that she'd been abused. She had bruises speckled across her jaw, and dark circles under her eyes; she looked like a stranger.

Yet somehow she wasn't even bothered by it, this face was the face of the real Katniss, the new Katniss. It now suited what she felt perfectly. She was the battered, broken girl in the mirror, not the strong, happy Katniss.

Dinner was silent other than the scraping of forks against ceramic. She knew her parents wanted her to say something, but she just couldn't. There was too much distance between them, and anyways, she hadn't spoken for a very long time.

They were different, their hair was gray, unlike when she'd last seen them. And now they had heavy lines of worry around their eyes, and mouths. She was angry that she'd caused them such pain, and was continuing to do so. She loved them so much, but still she refused to speak.

She didn't even feel at home with her parents. They were different people, just as she was a different person. Everyone she knew was different now, but it was like they all wanted to pretend nothing had changed. She had to do enough pretending as it was.

She bent over, placing her head in her hands. She wished she didn't have to pretend.

"Kat, are you alright?" her father asked.

She looked back up, forcing a smile and a curt nod. Of course she wasn't alright, she was a stranger in her own home.

Her parents smiled.

"We've missed you so much Kat."

She just continued smiling.

* * *

Peeta was in his run down London apartment when he got the call. It was a voice he hadn't heard in years.

"Hello? Peeta?" It was Katniss's mother.

He was filled with dread; he hadn't thought he'd ever speak to her again. "Yes?" he answered.

"They found Katniss," she said softly, her voice breaking.

"What?" he was shocked, and terrified. He wasn't ready for this "Oh god… She… She's…"

"She's alive Peeta,"

His heart swelled, tears coming to his eyes. After four long years he'd lost all hope that they'd find her alive.

"She's ok?" he asked, his head hardly able to believe it.

"Yes, she just got out of the hospital…" she trailed off. "I understand if you're too busy to come down… It was a long time ago after all…"

"Of course I want to see her,"

Of course he did. In his mind it had never been a question.

He then forced himself to ask what had been plaguing his mind, the question he feared. "Where was she… What happened to her?"

There was silence for a moment.

"They found her out on the highway outside of New York, but… She hasn't spoken a word; not to us, not to the police. We really don't know what happened to her."

Peeta couldn't help but feel it was his fault that she'd been taken. That he shouldn't have let her walk home alone that night, no matter how angry they'd both been. He hadn't known it would cause so much heartache.

But now she was back, and she was okay… He would set things right.

* * *

It was late when he got to Boston, too late really for a visit, but Peeta couldn't stop himself from driving up into the familiar driveway. He had to see her.

He stepped out of the car, making his way up to her window. He tapped on it softly, just like he had all those years ago. Just like back when they'd been just stupid teenagers.

When she turned on the light and opened up the glass, his breath caught in his throat just like before. He wanted to hold her face in his hands and kiss away every bruise on her face. He wanted to make her feel loved, and wanted, and cared for. He wanted to piece her back together and make her feel whole again.

"Peeta," she said, her voice soft, her eyes lighting up.

"Hey," he smiled at her. Not with pity, or disgust, just pure and uncomplicated love.

One look into his eyes and she was home at last.


	2. Memories and Regret

**Hey guys, so I meant for this to be a Oneshot, but it seems that many of you wanted me to continue. YAY! I hope that this is ok, I'm still deciding where this story is going right now. Also, I really need to thank everyone that read, followed, favorited, and most of all: REVIEWED! I got some really nice comments. Thank you all so much for the support, it means a LOT. **

**So on with the story!**

**BTW: italics=Flashback.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

* * *

"Can I come in?" Peeta asked softly, his eyes never leaving her. He could hardly contain the joy of seeing her again.

Katniss nodded humbly, staying silent. Peeta swung himself over the windowsill, very grateful that her room was on ground level.

He took a step inside, noticing that she'd moved all her furniture around. It was just one little hint of how broken she was. In all the time he'd known her, Katniss had never once changed the layout of her room. She was clean and precise in personality; she had liked things to stay organized, and unchanged.

He turned towards her, smiling at the sight; he was just so happy to have her near.

She wrapped her arms around herself, forcing a smile onto her face.

"You don't have to pretend with me Kat," Peeta said. "I know you're not ok, you don't have to fake it."

He grabbed her hand carefully, and she flinched at his touch, but he didn't drop it. He lifted his own hand up, so that their palms were pressed together.

"You never have to worry with me; I'll keep you safe, I'll listen to you, I'll hold you when you cry; I'm not going anywhere Katniss, I'm staying right here with you."

She sat down on her bed, not bothering to fix the sheets. She didn't really know how to respond to that.

"You should try to sleep; it'll be good for you"

She nodded heavily, not really wanting to sleep; but still she lay down on her back, staring at the speckled ceiling.

Peeta reached for her lamp, which gave off a flickering yellow light but she grabbed his wrist firmly.

"Please," she said softly. "Leave it on."

He backed away, lying down beside her.

They both stayed like that for a while, never speaking, never sleeping, just happy to be near each other. She wished she felt safe with Peeta like she did before, but now, she barely knew him. But to be fair she didn't think she'd ever feel safe anymore.

"I'm so sorry Katniss" He said suddenly. "I'm so sorry about that night, it's all my fault"

She grabbed his hand, stopping him, reassuring him, trying to tell him that it wasn't. Thinking of him had been the only thing that kept her going.

"I think about it all the time," he continued. "What I could have done differently,"

She thought about it a lot too, about the night that it all started, the night of the party.

* * *

_Katniss hated parties. The music was loud, and heavy, and the people were drunk, and rowdy. It smelled like alcohol, sweat, and something else she couldn't quite determine._

_But Peeta had convinced her to go, just like he always did. He'd looked at her with those clear blue eyes and told her she didn't have to. So of course that meant that she did._

_And so they'd ended up here; Katniss wandering through Madison's mansion of a house, and Peeta off somewhere unknown. She wished he'd at least stayed with her after forcing her to come, but Peeta had too many friends. He wasn't a loner like her._

_She couldn't even occupy herself with a couple drinks. She knew what alcohol did to a person. The few select family dinners with her uncle Haymitch had shown her that._

_Katniss made her way down the more deserted hallways, finding herself in a lavishly decorated room with a magnificent grand piano. It was made of polished burgundy wood, with a shiny finish. Katniss's fingers ached; she wanted desperately to play it._

_She placed herself at the stool, dangling her hands over the keys. And then she let the tune override her emotions, letting her fingers guide her into familiar melodies._

_There was nowhere she felt quite as safe as in front of the instrument; it was as if it could shield her from the rest of the world._

_XXX_

_Peeta was looking for Katniss when he noticed._

_He was standing outside of a dark room, one drink in hand. He'd thought the room was empty, but now he knew he was wrong. He could hear someone talking._

_"No," the voice said. "Michael, stop it."_

_There was a rustling noise, and the voice started again. "Michael, stop!"_

_Peeta heard it, he knew that he'd hit her. The lights flickered on in the room, and a girl came storming out._

_It was Delly, Delly who Peeta had known for years, Delly who was like his sister._

_She had tears running down her face, and a cut on her cheek. She looked so fragile and small; nothing like her normal, bubbly, cheerleader self._

_Peeta turned towards the room, facing Michael head on._

_"Don't you dare touch her again!" he yelled, pushing him into the wall. "Do you hear me?"_

_Then he backed off; he wasn't one to start a fight. He knew he was just lucky Michael was a little too drunk to hit him back. _

_Peeta glanced at Delly, who looked just about ready to pass out, then he scooped her up in his arms to put her on the couch. He walked into the living room, trying to find a spot that wasn't covered in food or alcohol spills._

_"Are you ok?" he asked her quietly._

_She nodded, wiping at her eyes. She looked up at him, her gaze intense._

_"Peeta?" she asked._

_"Hmm?" he looked back at her, still searching the room. _

_"Thank you," and then she kissed him, right there, in front of everyone, just as Katniss walked in._

_He pushed her head back softly, his face showing the confusion that he felt. He placed her onto the couch just in time to see Katniss stalk out of the room angrily._

_"Katniss!" he yelled, following her through the crowd of teenagers. "Wait!"_

_He placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned around, her face angry._

_"What was that Peeta?" she yelled. "Why did you kiss her?"_

_"I didn't... I... She kissed me Katniss, not the other way around."_

_"Do you love her?" she asked boldly, eyebrows scrunched up. _

_"No, Kat, of course not."_

_"Then why did you let her kiss you?"_

_"I didn't, I didn't want her to. I was helping her out."_

_"Why? What did you have to help her with, and why did she think she could kiss you?"_

_"I don't know Katniss, she knows we're together,"_

_"You know, you're better off with her. I never was good enough for you." She exclaimed, voic breaking. _

_Peeta looked at her sadly, not wanting to believe that she thought that. "That's not true; you know it's not,"_

_She'd always felt out of place with him. "No Peeta, I actually don't. I don't fit in with your friends, with your life. I don't really even fit in with you. Delly, on the other hand, is perfect for you,"_

_She turned on her heel, fuming, then stomped out the back door. Peeta called for her once but she just kept going, never turning around to look at him._

_Peeta felt defeated; he knew he shouldn't have let it happen, he knew that he should have just broken them up and left it at that; but he felt he had to take care of Delly._

_He walked back down the hallway, and into the living room. Everyone stared at him in silence, but he just ignored them. He picked up a passed out Delly, and carried her outside; he wasn't letting her get a drive home with Michael._

_XXX_

_Katniss was angry, very, very angry. She knew there was nothing wrong with Peeta helping out a friend; she just wished he wasn't always so good. That he wasn't always so kind, that he didn't feel that he had to look out for everyone. She wasn't surprised that Delly was in love with him, she just hated the fact that she was. Katniss had always felt beneath him; he was meant to be with a pretty blonde, popular cheerleader. She still didn't understand why he had chosen her in the first place. _

_He was never really mine__**, **__she thought, tears welling up in her eyes. We weren't meant to be. _

_She continued what would be a long trek home, stepping on twigs and fallen leaves. The sound was comforting somehow, as if it was reassuring her that she wasn't alone._

_But that night it probably would have been better if she had been. _


	3. What Should Never Have Been Said

**Hey guys, its been awhile I know. I've been in the hospital for a little while due to a severe asthma attack, but I'm back now.**

* * *

Katniss had been worried that this would happen.

Even though she was supposedly safe from everything that had happened, she couldn't escape it at night. She was forced to relive the horrible years that had taken her innocence in her sleep.

She could hear _his_ voice, low and gravelly; it still sent shivers down her spine. He kept speaking, telling her that she was his, always his and that she could never escape. He would run his fingers through her hair and the moment she would flinch he would tug on it, pulling out chunks.

_"You'll never leave,"_ said the voice. "_You belong to me…"_

"Katniss!" this voice was different. "Katniss!"

Someone was yelling at her, shaking her by the shoulders. Oh but the voice was familiar, so familiar.

And she woke up, startled. She looked to Peeta, who had concern etched onto his face.

"Kat?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice breaking. Tears welled up in her eyes involuntarily.

"Don't be," Peeta whispered. "You went through a lot. But... I'm here for you."

He reached out and held her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Katniss?" he asked after a few second. "I know it's hard, but I think you should talk to the police. You don't need to tell them everything but... Some key things like where you were and who took you would be good."

She nodded reluctantly, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't feel ready, it was all too soon. She really didn't want to talk. She was scared. If anything she wished she could forget everything that had happened and just move on, but it seemed that it would be impossible. No one would allow her to forget until the man was in prison.

So instead she pulled a notebook off her bedside table, a notebook that still had her frivolous teenage thoughts inside of it. She opened it up, smoothing out the crinkled pages. She'd been so different then.

Katniss grabbed a black pen off the table and decided that she would tell the police in the only way that she knew how.

* * *

_The rain started out light, just a faint drizzle echoing through the trees, but then it thickened, soon coating everything in a slippery layer._

_At first Katniss embraced the rain, allowing it to fill the sorrow in her chest. She shouldn't have yelled at Peeta, she knew that. She hated the part of her that could be selfish and... Jealous._

_In just seconds the light drizzle became a heavy pour, drenching her completely and plastering her hair to her forehead. The rain was so thick that Katniss could hardly see the skinny forest path beneath her feet. All sound was blocked by the heavy splatter of raindrops, even the breaking of twigs beneath her feet. No, she had no way of knowing that she wasn't alone._

_She'd always wondered why he took her, why he'd picked her out of all the other girls at that party, but soon those thoughts were muddled by fear and confusion, and light-headedness. Soon, Katniss became someone new._

* * *

_When Katniss first woke up, locked in the dark, she was scared. She'd never felt quite like this before._

_In that moment of pure alienation, for the first time, Katniss felt true fear._

_It wasn't like the nervousness she'd mistaken for fear when Peeta had kissed her for the first time. It was nothing like the anxiety of the first time she drove on the highway. No, this was something different; all those events seemed tiny in comparison._

_But mostly, even though she was scared, and cold, and so alone, Katniss still had one thing that new her didn't: hope._

_Even though she was terrified of what the future might hold, even though the isolation was enough to drive anyone mad, at least Katniss still hoped deep down in her heart, that someone would find her._

_Later that feeling would numb, and she'd feel nothing but helplessness. Later, she would hope that they'd forgotten about her. Especially Peeta._

_But at least then she was still Katniss, for that would all change._

* * *

Katniss clutched her notebook at her side, wishing she could hide behind it. She didn't like the police officers who stood in her living room, staring at her like she was a science experiment gone wrong. They didn't understand her.

"It's alright darling, you can give them the book," her mother persuaded, speaking to her like she would a much younger Katniss.

She handed them the notebook, reluctantly. Luckily she'd already torn up the pages that used to reside within. The notebook wasn't for what she'd once thought we're meaningful stories of love; no, it now held her darkest secrets. It didn't belong to the other her anymore.

No one spoke as the younger officer flipped through the pages, examining the writing closely. The whole room was tense, as if holding a collective breath. No one dared break the silence.

A few minutes later both officers had gone through the books, looking back at the family kindly.

"So, you don't have any idea what he looked like?" one of them asked, turning towards Katniss.

She took a breath, reaching into her pocket for a folded up piece of paper.

She'd gotten Peeta to draw it for her, as best as she could remember.

The man's hair had been blond, ranging almost into a sandy brown.

Brian... That's what he had called himself.

"Miss?" the officer asked, and Katniss was snapped out of her trance.

"I know that this is a hard question to answer, but we need you to tell us honestly. We know that this man abused you physically, but... Did he do anything else to you?"

Katniss placed her head in her hands; they shouldn't have asked that question. Not with her parents here.

She looked back up at them, refusing to cry. Her heart was racing.

"Yes..." she answered, the response barely audible.

And that was all they had needed to know.

Katniss walked back down the hallway, ignoring the surprised and pitying looks on her parents' faces. They shouldn't have been surprised; surely they'd thought it might have happened.

She sat down on the cold hardwood floor of her bedroom, pushing away thoughts of abuse, and... She refused to let him get to her; he wasn't in control anymore. Katniss placed her head on her knees and closed her eyes, but as soon as the darkness hit she felt no different than when she had been locked up in the cellar.


	4. Just Out Of Reach

**Disclaimer: still don't own… Sadly.**

* * *

It had become a ritual for Katniss in the past few days. She would start by opening the curtains that her parents had closed when they thought she was asleep, and then she'd turn on all the lights. After that she'd walk into her washroom, cover the mirror with a towel and then step into the shower. She refused to look at herself, to see the damage done to her. She hated the sight of her bruised body.

Then she'd scrub her skin until it turned red, just hoping that she'd be able to get rid of the horrible feeling. But it never worked. No matter how long she stayed in the shower, the grimy, dirty feeling never left her skin. She would forever feel filthy.

When she was finally finished, and the water ran cold, Katniss would pull her baggy T-shirt back on and lie down on her unmade bed. She would stay there for a while, wanting to go back to sleep and not have to deal with the rest of life. But of course, that never happened. Soon enough her parents would try to feed her, and if that didn't work, they'd call Peeta over a few hours earlier than usual. That's how it worked, and Katniss had become sick of it.

Today would be different, she told herself; no more being weak and depending on others.

She tried to get up and avoid the shower, but she couldn't. One step at a time, she thought. Tomorrow she'd skip the shower.

After that she managed to get herself out into the kitchen, prepared to be useful. She cleaned the pile of dishes by the sink, trying to be quiet so as to not wake her parents.

It was comfortable almost; doing something so common made her feel normal for just a second. She'd actually missed the warm water and profuse feeling of belonging. She almost felt safe. Almost…

But as soon as the foolish giddiness came it left, leaving Katniss feeling empty. She refused to let the thoughts come to mind, but that didn't fill the hole in her chest

* * *

They drove in eerie silence, winding through the crowded streets of Boston. Katniss grasped Peeta's hand like a lifeline, trying to shake the awkward feeling. Her parents looked back constantly, as if expecting that she'd just disappear and they'd lose her forever.

She began to doubt her choice to go into the city, leaving the comfortable safety of her bedroom; but she'd wanted to feel normal again.

"You don't have to do this Kat," Peeta whispered, leaning in towards her. "No one expects anything; you don't have anything to prove. We all care about you, and whatever decisions you make."

She smiled solemnly, pressing her palms together in front of her face. A deep line appeared in her forehead as she nodded at him. "I know Peeta, but this is what I need,"

But even she wasn't sure. The town was bustling, and noisy, and overwhelming.

The car stopped, pulling up in front of the diner. Katniss stepped out tentatively, dropping Peeta's hand.

"I'm really fine." She told him, more so reassuring herself.

Her mother gave her a wave, before pushing on the gas again.

"We'll pick you two up in an hour," she told her daughter, smiling brightly.

Katniss nodded at her, unsure of what to say. She took Peeta's hand again, hoping for reassurance.

The two of them walked up and opened the door, a familiar chime ringing through the small restaurant.

An older, dark skinned woman was wiping a table, but turned at the bell.

"Katniss?" she gasped in surprise, taking in the sight of the brown haired woman.

"Sae," Katniss smiled, her heart wrenching at fond memories.

"I've seen you on the news and… I… It's so nice to see you again Katniss."

Katniss walked forward, Peeta trailing beside her.

"Are you two looking for a table?"

Katniss nodded, looking up at her companion.

They were placed at what used to be their regular table, right in front of the window. Rose didn't even take their order, just showed up a few minutes later with the usual cherry pie and chocolate milkshakes.

At the first bite, Katniss began to wonder how she'd doubted coming here at all. The pie was better than she'd remembered it being, with a flaky crust and gooey cherry filling. Peeta just watched, unable to tear his eyes away from her. Sometimes he still forgot that she was safe.

The two of them took their time, just happy with good food and each other's company.

* * *

Peeta and Katniss stood outside the diner, waiting for Katniss's parents to pick her up. She'd insisted that they could walk home, but it was apparent that they felt they needed to keep a watchful eye. It was twenty minutes to walk, no more, but she understood why they didn't let her.

The streets were filled with noise, laughing, crying, screaming, yelling. It was all so overwhelming.

Katniss felt her mind drifting, and struggled to keep it in place; but there was just so much noise. Her eyes wandered, landing on a sandy blond head. Her heart picked up, beating at double time. Surely that wasn't him…

She gripped Peeta's hand, her eyes unable to break away from the retreating figure.

* * *

_It's funny how after so many hours of darkness and isolation, you lose track of time. Before she'd been taken, Katniss had taken simple things like time for granted. Nobody quite realizes how much we depend on light._

For her, there was no sun to announce a new day; she had only the steady beat of her heart to count approximate seconds. She could have been locked up for days, or months, or years; it all felt unbearably long. And the silence, that was enough to drive anyone mad.

Eventually she no longer knew when she was awake; there was only the shroud: cold and harsh, and uninviting. Yet still, she was plunged in it, with no way to get out. Awake or asleep, it was all the same; there was just that numb feeling that filled her chest.

She didn't even remember what she looked like. People had called her pretty; what did that mean really? She tried to imagine what she looked like, but couldn't even conjure a simple image. She was a stranger in her own body.

_Katniss reached her hand out, her palm resting on what she assumed was the bridge of her nose. Her face was now so unfamiliar. She ran her fingers down, trying to remember shape of her nose, and the curve of her lips. Her hair was stringy and filthy, and she couldn't recall what colour it had been. And her eyes? She didn't remember those either. She tried to recall things about her life that now felt so far away. She wanted to remember._

Her parents had always called her strong, but she definitely didn't feel strong. She now doubted everything people had said; none of it meant anything. Not there locked up in a closet. Whoever she'd been before didn't matter; she wasn't even sure she could feel anymore. The despair and alienation filled her chest, taking the place of love and happiness. She wasn't sure what she was becoming.

_Who am I? She wondered. _

_"Katniss," someone had that velvety voice that sent shivers up her spine. "My Katniss,"_

Katniss... She didn't feel connected to that name anymore; what did Katniss mean really? It was just a title; it didn't show strength or power, it was just a word.

_But the way Peeta said it; he made it seem like so much more. In that one two-syllabled word he could convey every emotion running through his system. With just a whisper he could show how much he cared. Oh and she cared for him too. _

_The mere thought of him dug a deeper pit in her heart. He probably didn't care anymore; it had been a long time. To think that he might have moved on, and now called another girl's name with that emotion almost crushed her. Still, she allowed the thought of his deep eyes to keep her going. She would let what little strength she still possessed give her hope. She wouldn't give up just yet, even though the door she leant upon bound her to her cell. She vowed that one day she would find him again. _

_Suddenly, the door creaked open, and a single sliver of bright light made its way into the darkness. Katniss tensed as he placed his hand over her mouth, muffling a gasp. She squirmed as he pulled her up from the floor, closing the door and emerging them in solitude. She struggled against him, whimpering softly as his hands were placed on her shoulders and slid down to her hips. She learned the hard way that she could never beat him; he made sure she knew that she belonged to him. That day, he broke something inside her, and she became someone new. _


	5. Forget Me Not

**Hey guys, feel free to be angry, I am not a loyal updater. Like usual, life is busy. (Even though it's summer!) I had camp, and vacation, and sincerely, my parents won't let me be alone for more that twenty minutes. But anyways, here it is. **

Peeta pulled his small leather bag over his shoulder, hating the look of longing that Katniss was attempting to hide.

"I'll be back in a week, I promise." he reassured her.

Katniss just wrapped her arms around herself, taking a moment before answering. "I would understand," she paused. "If you want to stay in London."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"I don't want to force you to be here... London's your home and I've just butted into your life."

"You are not burdening me," he grabbed her shoulders firmly. "Don't you dare think that." he sighed. "My home's not there, it never was. It's right here," he pulled her into his arms, her body stiff. "With you."

Katniss stayed silent, hardly breathing. She couldn't bring herself to answer him.

"I have everything I need right here," he reassured.

Peeta let go of her reluctantly, knowing that his plane was leaving soon enough. "I will be coming back here, on Monday. I'll pack up my things and be right back, I promise."

**_Four years earlier_**

_His slumber was interrupted by a harsh ringing. His phone blared at him angrily, pulling him out of his drowsy stupor._

_"Hello?" _

_"Peeta?" the voice on the phone was frantic, shaking on every syllable._

_"Yes?" he asked groggily, blinking sleep out of his eyes. _

_"It's Marilyn, I was just- just wondering if Katniss is with you."_

_"She's not here..." he trailed off, his heart already speeding up. _

_"I won't be angry if she stayed with you, I just really need to know where she is." Marilyn sounded suspicious._

_"I haven't seen her... Not since... Um... Friday night," he ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out where she might be. "Have you tried calling her Ms. Everdeen?" _

_"Of course," she sounded appalled. "It's gone straight to voicemail every time." she paused. "I know she's there; I need her to come home."_

_"I swear she isn't here; you can check for yourself." he figured that Katniss probably wanted nothing to do with him anyways. She wouldn't have gone running to him, she was too stubborn. _

_"Fine... Will you tell me if you hear from her?"_

_"Of course." He answered._

_The moment Marilyn Everdeen hung up he dialed Katniss. _

_He waited as the tone rang, once, twice; hoping with every ring that she would pick up. _

_And then on the fifth, her voice came across the line like a haunting melody._

**_'Hi, you've reached Katniss. I'm away right now, but you can leave a message. Thanks.'_**

_He'd heard that message so many times, but now it meant something somber. However, he refused to let himself jump to conclusions. _

_The last time he'd seen her had been at the party, the party where everything had gone wrong. _

_XXX_

_Once they hit the forty-eight hour mark, Marilyn called the police. _

_They went around calmly, sipping coffee as if it was just another day at work. For them, Peeta supposed it was, but for the Everdeens, it was the most terrifying day of their lives. _

_Every hour felt like years and they tried to keep it together, but watching every lead come up with nothing made everyone tense. _

_"I need to know where my daughter is!"_

_"I'm sorry ma'am, we're are doing all that we can." _

_All they could do was hope. _

_Peeta racked his brain, and eventually came up with one last idea. He left the house abruptly, trying to ignore Katniss's parents' frantic pleas. _

_If she'd gone anywhere it would be the lake. She would often camp out there when she was upset. Although, normally he would join her._

_Peeta trekked up alone, rain soaking his hair. It took hours but he made it, only to find empty space. Her tent wasn't up.:.. There wasn't a soul anywhere near. The lake was clear, every raindrop sending a ripple through the pristine surface._

_Peeta fell to his knees, losing hope. She was gone... _

_Suddenly, a bolt of lightning blasted through the air, mocking him and his pain. _

_"Dammit Katniss!" he screamed up as the sky, as if it was the reason she was gone. "Where are you?" he placed his head in his hands, letting the thunder roar. "Where are you?" _

_It was a question he would ask himself a lot..._

_Eventually, his mother forced him off to art school in London, despite his protests. She screamed at him that one silly crush wasn't worth wasting his life, that they were never going to find her so they all might as well stop looking. That was the one moment in his life where he truly hated his mother. _

_Not even when she'd hit him for making a mistake, or when she'd yell at him for choosing an invalid hobby did he feel that pain. After all, those had been his problems. This was different. She truly had no respect for anyone but herself. _

_So he got shipped off to London against his will, confined within the suffocating walls of the school. _

_He couldn't think, not for a while. His mind was clouded with horrid images of where Katniss could be, and what was happening to her. The police closed the case eventually, when every lead came up with a dead end and he almost broke down. How was it that they could give up so easily?_

_ Peeta couldn't make himself focus on what he was learning, and soon enough, his career was in a downwards spiral. His sorrow couldn't even fuel good art. He ended up producing smeared paintings of blood and torture, or sometimes, nothing at all. He spent days alone in his dorm, unable to leave his bed. He was stuck in his very own web of guilt, and morbid curiosity that caused his mind to imagine horrible fates. He just wanted her back._

_He dropped out of school soon enough, but he couldn't find it in himself to go back to Boston. Boston held all the memories, and pain, and guilt. So he just stayed stuck. _

_Eventually, they all lost hope that they'd ever find her again._


	6. Secrets Unveiled

**Yay, I have another chapter! So I just want to be clear about the ages here. Katniss is now 21, and Peeta is 22. Also, I realize that my characters are very OOC. I just feel like teenage Katniss would have been different if she hadn't come from a broken home, and then her present self, would be dealing with PTSD rather like the Katniss we see in Mockingjay. And Peeta is different too, maybe he has a slightly angry side that we saw in the last chapter. He went through a lot too. I'm also warning that this contains some dark themes but nothing graphic. I am not trying to make a joke of any of these subjects, I am aware of how serious they are. Abuse of any form is wrong. **

Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing, Suzanne Collins is the mastermind after all.

* * *

"Katniss, honey?" Marilyn Everdeen knocked again. "Hello?"

She pushed open the door, hearing retching noises coming from the bathroom.

Katniss was crouched beside the toilet, her face green.

"What's wrong darling?" she asked her daughter.

"I'm fine," Katniss replied, grimacing slightly. "Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sick? Do you need to go back to the hospital?"

"No Mom, I'm fine, really." She pulled herself off the cold tile, reaching for the sink.

"Will you come for dinner?" her mother asked.

"I'm not hungry.."

"Please Katniss, you need to eat."

"I said I'm not hungry." she gritted her teeth together, trying not to be too firm.

She couldn't bring herself to eat at the moment... Nor could she really force herself to do anything. A dark cloud was bound around her body, constraining her within herself.

"I can call Peeta back if you want, he's bound to be home tomorrow anyways." Marilyn suggested.

"No." Katniss said harshly. "Don't bother him.. Can you just leave me alone, I'm fine, really."

Marilyn ignored the ache in her chest as she backed away from her alienated daughter. What had happened to the kind young woman she once knew? Katniss was now so distant.

Katniss trudged back to her bedroom slowly, plopping down on the bed, and wrapping herself in the covers.

There's no place like home, she thought bitterly.

She couldn't explain the pain that had overcome her. She was now trapped in daytime nightmares of the last four years of her life. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat; she hardly moved.

Now she just felt sick. Her mind would wander into the horrific events that befell her and bile would rise in her throat. Every few hours she would find herself by the toilet bowl. She just wanted it all to go away.

* * *

Peeta knocked on her door, his heart racing.

"Kat?" he asked softly, pushing the creaky door open.

She lay on her bed, covered with a blanket. Her eyes were open, and she just stared blankly forward. She didn't even seem to notice his presence.

Peeta made his way to the bed, sitting down beside her small form. He noticed how thin she was, her skin sickly pale.

When she'd first gotten back from the hospital she'd looked something like this, frail and ill; but over the past few weeks she'd been getting better.

Now it seemed that she was back to square one.

Peeta pulled her up into a seated position, wrapping his arms around her trembling figure.

"Katniss, you can't keep hiding in the past. You have to live, to keep moving on. What you went through was hard but you are safe now."

She was a delicate butterfly with a broken wing, unable to fly away. She was trapped in a jar, beating her wings frantically against the glass until she just lost her will. Now, she lay across the bottom, losing hope that she would ever fly again.

"Peeta?" she whispered almost inaudibly. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of what he did to me, and how I've changed. And," she paused. "I'm scared that he'll find me."

"I won't let him hurt you again." he reassured. "I will never let him lay his hands on you."

She gave him an unconvincing smile. "But he already has." she continued. "Peeta, there are things that happened to me that I can't ever tell you about."

"All I do, and have done since you disappeared, is think about what could have happened to you. My mind has thought out every possibility, every scenario..."

Katniss cut him off, she decided she would tell him, even if he hated her afterwards. "He raped me," she barely managed to say. "and I got pregnant, but I was too sick and lost the baby a few months through." she choked on a sob. "He took things from me that I wasn't willing to give."

Peeta froze, one of his fears becoming reality. He just pulled her close, whispering that it was going to be alright. "But you escaped, right? You're free now."

"Yes, I got away. But I know that he is still alive." she most definitely didn't feel free. She still shivered at the thought of how she escaped.

She regretted letting him live.

* * *

_4 years ago_

Katniss pulled her aching body up off the cold tile floor. Balancing on her wrists, she looked around. She couldn't even remember how long it had been seen she'd seen the outside world.

For the first time in a while she seemed to have a conscious thought. She remembered last night, what he'd done to her.

Katniss brought a hand to her side, feeling the sharp pain in her ribs. Her body burned with every breath, searing pain flying through her chest.

Something was different about this day, or night, whatever time it was. For the first time since she'd been taken, Katniss wanted to live.

For a long time, she'd given up hope. She'd just stayed numb and unfeeling, it hurt less that way; but today, she felt every action, every bruise, every scar as if it had just been inflicted. That day was the day that she chose to feel again.

All the emotions bombarded her at once: the pain, the sorrow, the despair, the anger, and one last thing she hadn't felt in a very long time.

She allowed herself to remember his face; his cheeky grin, bright eyes.

Maybe she would see him again.

XXX

Brian had grown careless, she knew that; he didn't expect much from her anymore. She had given up long ago.

Katniss used this to her advantage. She walked unsteadily forward, trying to be as quiet as possible; she could hear him in the kitchen. With every step her heart raced, hope growing in her chest.

She hid just outside if the entryway, spotting a glinting silver knife on the table. Brian whistled a tune, turning on the tap. This was it, her only chance to escape.

Katniss raced to the table, grabbing then knife and swinging her arm all in one quick motion. He jumped out of the way at the last moment, the blade slashing against his side as opposed to his heart.

He collapsed to the floor with a thump, yelling furiously. The look in his eyes terrified her; it was predatory, animal. He glared at her, trying to grab her from his position. His eyes were dark with anger, his lips pulled back into a menacing snarl; he'd never looked so furious.

Katniss didn't take a moment to worry about that; she just ran out the door, finding herself in a dense forest. She never stopped, no matter how much her body ached. Her bare feet were torn and bloody, and the branches slashed at her like swords as she ran.

Finally, when she thought her lungs wouldn't be able to take it she heard the whirring of engines. Taking one moment to observe the eerie full moon, Katniss took a step forward, then was engulfed in darkness.


	7. I See You

**Hey guys, I know it's been awhile. We've got some action in this chapter here, and some Everlark struggles of course. We're getting into the main plot, OOH AHH! I hope this story isn't getting too weird and violent for you guys, (but you did read the Hunger Games after all.) **

**Disclaimer: Well, if I owned HG, things would be different. The characters would be flat, the writing would be terrible and NO ONE would read the series. So… I guess it's good I don't own it. **

* * *

"Katniss Honey, we're just trying to help you," her father explained calmly.

"I'm fine, really fine." she replied, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Your Mother and I just think that maybe you need a little extra help, just someone to talk to."

"I have someone to talk to already. Really Dad, I'm fine, I am dealing with it."

"Please Kat," he said, his eyes glistening. "I want to help you, but I don't know what to do."

"I'm not seventeen anymore Dad; you are not obligated to do anything. I have to learn to deal with this on my own."

"But we care about you, and we want to help you get better."

"I'm not the girl you know and love anymore, ok? I'm not weak, and foolish, I have learned how to survive on my own. I'm not the girl who won the archery competition and used to leave notes on the fridge." she sighed. "No matter how many shrinks you force me to talk to, I will never be that girl again."

She watched her father walk away, disappointment evident in his step. She slumped down on the floor, immediately feeling guilty for snapping.

She just wanted to stop wearing a mask. She was done with pretending to be the teenage girl that everyone remembered. They thought she hadn't changed, that something inside her hadn't shifted and warped. She'd lived through more in those four years than in most people did their entire lives.

Peeta looked at her solemnly, joining her on the floor.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why?"

"I don't usually do that, lose control."

He pursed his lips "It's ok."

They stayed in silence for a few seconds.

"You don't want to consider it?" Peeta blurted out suddenly, looking guilty.

"No." she replied firmly.

"I don't want to push you, but it might help." he urged softly.

"I don't need it, I'm fine." she said through tight lips. "I am dealing with it, and I don't need everyone against me."

"We're not against you, Katniss, your family has your best interests in mind."

"Really?" she scoffed. "I don't think any of you know my best interests anymore. I was gone for four years Peeta, I'm different now."

"Yes, and that's why maybe you should talk to someone."

"Oh, so I can change back to how I was. Am I not good enough anymore? I'm just some broken toy that you need to fix?"

"Dammit Katniss, don't you see that I'm trying to help you?"

"I don't need help," she scoffed. "I'm not weak."

"Needing help doesn't make you weak." he sighed. "Katniss, this is about healing."

She shook her head swiftly, pursing her lips. "I knew this would happen. I knew that if I told you the truth things would be different."

"This isn't about that."

"I see the way you've been looking at me. Like you don't know how to act anymore."

"You went through a lot Katniss, you can't expect me to ignore that," he paused. "But you told me, and that was so important. You can't keep all these things to yourself and I feel like you should tell someone the things you can't tell me."

She didn't answer.

"Please?" he said. "Just one visit, that's all I ask."

* * *

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Don't you know?"

"Sorry?"

"Well surely you've seen the news. It isn't exactly a secret, what happened to me."

"That's true. However, I give you the option regardless."

Katniss didn't answer.

"You can start off with how you feel, if you want?" Dr. Shepherd suggested.

Katniss waited a moment. "I guess I feel... Angry."

"And why do you think you feel like that?"

"Too many reasons." she was angry about so many things. "But mostly, I'm angry at him."

"Him?"

"The man who kidnapped me." She choked out.

"I see, do want to talk about him?"

"He made me feel sick."

"I see..

There was silence for a few minutes.

"Was it my fault?" Katniss asked suddenly. "Did I do something that made him do those things to me?" she swallowed. "I should have fought harder."

* * *

4 years ago  
_  
Katniss stared at the test she had placed face-down on the counter. She was afraid of what she would find when she turned it over._

She didn't even want to think about that possibility.

She looked up to the mirror, noticing the harsh shadows on her face. She wasn't ready for this.

The child would be his... And she hated it already. Perhaps it was unfair to judge, after all, it was practically nothing now, just an innocent being that hardly left a trace of existence.

Except that wasn't how she felt. It would be the child of the man she hated so much, the man who'd ruined her life. She wasn't sure she could handle it.

Katniss closed her eyes, her fingers inching towards the test. She needed to know.

What awaited her is what she feared, and the plastic stick fell to the floor with a soft clatter. How could something so small be so threatening?

Katniss clasped a hand over her mouth, trying to hide the despair. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't bring a child into this world of terror she lived in every day.

Her body collapsed, landing with a thud against the cool tiles. Why was God punishing her? What had she done so wrong?

She couldn't help but feel like it was her fault. If only she could turn back time to the night of the party. She would have done things differently.

Eventually, her sobs ceased, and she managed to pull herself off the floor. She became entranced with the white capsules on the counter.

How easy would it be to just, slip away? She could leave behind all this pain, down the bottle of pain killers and be done with life.

_She was already trapped in an endless downward spiral, her life sinking lower and lower. She could put an end to all of her misery._

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, meeting those clear blue eyes that she loved so much.

He smiled at her, brushing her hair from her face.

"You told me that we belonged together, you can't give up now." he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "You have to remember Katniss. You can't forget about me."

She opened her eyes, and he was gone.

_She was reminded of what she was fighting for, who she was fighting for. As long as she was alive she still had a chance. She could be safe again; there was still a chance that she could make it out. She couldn't give up, no matter how dire the circumstances. _

_She could still be free. _

* * *

Present

Katniss walked up to her porch, noticing the police car parked outside. As she entered the house, the officer stepped out, tipping his hat.

"What was that about?" she asked her mother.

"They identified the suspect, but they can't seem to locate him yet."

Katniss frowned.

"They will find him," Marilyn comforted her. "Don't worry." she reached for the stack of mail, placing an envelope in her daughter's hand. "This came in the mail for you. Not sure who it's from, they didn't leave a return address."

Katniss shrugged, taking the envelope to her room. She sat down on her bed, opening it carefully.

Inside was a card, one of those Hallmark ones people get for birthdays. Katniss pulled the pages open, her hands shaking.

She jumped back in fear, dropping the card to the floor.

Inside there were three words, three words that were enough to drive her crazy.

_I see you_

* * *

**_Sorry, double AN. I hope you guys liked. Also, please please please review, it makes my day. I took the time to write thousands of words for you, so I wouldn't mind getting a few back._**

**_Thank you all so much for reading, you guys make me want to write. _**


	8. Our Many Reasons

**Hey guys, I have another chapter for you. Originally this chapter was much longer, but I had to split it because it didn't make sense all together. In this chapter, we get the authorities involved. Ooh, Ahh. I feel like this chapter didn't quite focus on Katniss and Peeta enough, but we'll be getting back to the angst next chapter.**

Also, I want to give a shout out to Cinna'sBird for being an awesome friend and reviewer. You should check out her stories.

Disclaimer: Ummm... I do own the series, I bought it at the bookstore. However, all the characters belong to Suzanne Collins. 

* * *

Katniss, fumbled for her phone, her body shaking violently. She didn't even register dialing but before she knew if, his comforting voice was on the line.

"Hello?"

"Peeta?" she whispered desperately. "I need you."

He arrived within minutes, rushing to hold her trembling form. All the tension between them was immediately forgotten.

"He was here," she stuttered. "He came and dropped it right into the box. There was no stamp, no return address..."

"Shh, shh. It's ok." he reassured pulling her close. He opened the card cautiously, a shiver passing through his body at the sight.

"He was here Peeta, he's always watching me."

"They're gonna get him... He's never gonna hurt you again." He pulled out his own phone, immediately calling the police.

It made him sick to think that he was still haunting her even though she was free. Wasn't it enough that she'd suffered for four years? Couldn't the bastard just leave her alone?

She'd been through so much, slowly tearing at the seams. She was just a shadow of her former self, and it was all his fault.

He just wanted it to be over.

* * *

A knock sounded at the door, a blond Police Officer standing outside. Peeta rushed to answer, opening the door gently.

"Hi I'm Officer Lee." the blond man introduced himself. "I understand that you have some evidence here?"

"Yes," Peeta replied. "You can come in."

Officer Lee gathered his team around the house, and they collected the card. They began checking the area, asking neighbors if they'd seen anything, and interrogating witnesses.

"Alright," Officer Lee said. "He was here. I need you to check all security and traffic cameras in the area for the past 24 hours. Try to get a face, or a license plate, anything to help us locate him."

Just then a tall, dark skinned man in a suit came forward. He approached the officer authoritatively, his expression firm.

"FBI," the man stated, holding up his badge.

"I didn't know the FBI was handling this," said Officer Lee coldly.

Peeta was surprised as well. He thought the case was being left to Boston PD.

"We were requested by your supervisor," the agent pulled out his comm. device. "Requesting Banner and Jessup on-site now."

"I wasn't informed." the officer sighed, annoyed. He hated working with the Feds. "You guys already handled the actual kidnapping case, which has been closed. I don't believe you have jurisdiction for this."

"We were requested." the man said, clearly focused on other things. "I'm sorry Officer, you'll just have to get used to working with us."

Seconds later, two agents walked up to the house. One was a tall dark haired man, paired with a young, blonde woman. The whole house was soon surrounded by security vehicles and personnel, making the situation seem much more dire.

The blonde lady introduced herself. "Agent Olivia Banner, FBI. This is my partner, Ryan Jessup."

Peeta smiled at her, looking back apologetically at Officer Lee. "It's nice to meet you; why don't you come inside?"

* * *

Katniss sat on the couch awkwardly, facing the two FBI agents. Peeta squeezed her hand reassuringly as she fidgeted in her seat.

"My name is Olivia, and this is Ryan." Agent Banner gestured to her partner. "We're with the FBI."

Katniss stayed silent; she didn't know what she was supposed to say.

"We were assigned to your case four years ago." Ryan Jessup added. "And now we are going to find the bastard that took you." the blonde agent sent him a disapproving look at his choice of words.

"We're going to run the suspect through the FBI database and try to locate his home..." Olivia explained.

"Are you going to interrogate us?" Peeta asked suddenly. "Because I know I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"We just want to make sure we have all the facts." Olivia could see the pain in the boy's eyes, the deep caring for the girl sitting beside him.

She knew what it was like, waiting as every second passed without their return. She knew that this boy had spent those endless hours of the night trying to imagine what was happening and how he could stop it.

She still saw that look when she stared at her own reflection.

She vowed that she would do anything in her power to bring that man down.

* * *

_4 years ago_

"Liv, you need to stop working. You should have left hours ago." Ryan told the blonde agent.

"I'm close, I can feel it. I can't stop now." Olivia answered, pushing up her glasses. "I must be missing something."

"Livia, I know this case is important but you don't work as well without sleep."

"I can't sleep, not now." she continued shuffling files, not really listening to Ryan's words.

"I know why you took this case," Ryan began. "You can't think I don't remember."

Olivia scowled, denying it. "This has nothing to do with that."

"Liv, this case isn't part of our field. You requested it specifically." he went on. "It was her birthday yesterday."

"So what if that is why I'm doing this? Is it so absurd to think that he might be out there, hurting other people like he hurt Rachel? Is it so wrong to want to catch him this time?"

"You didn't fail her." Ryan whispered.

"I didn't save her and I didn't catch him.."

"You can't put the blame on yourself." he pushed.

"She was my baby sister Ryan, I was supposed to protect her."

"And you did... She adored you."

Olivia straightened up, regaining her professionalism. "Go home Ryan," she told him coldly. "It's none of your concern how hard I work on this case."

She went back to her files, pretending to be oblivious to the hurt look on his face. She needed to find this girl. She needed to keep the pain she felt every day away from this girl's family.

Ryan was something she didn't have time for.

He was just going to have to accept that she would never open up to him.

He was just going to have to accept that their relationship would never go past the professional friendship of partners.

He was just going to have to accept that she was never going to feel the same way.

* * *

**AN: Sorry to bother you again, but I want to apologize for going off on a tangent so much there. I wanted to give the FBI agents some backstory so they're not just unimportant characters. I just hope I didn't give them too big of a role Also, I'm starting something different. Because I know I take too long to update, each person who reviews will get an excerpt from the next chapter. I get some words, you get some words, fair?**

**Also, I just wrote a new Harry Potter Oneshot, and I would love love love it of some of you Potter fans would check it out. It's called 'Behind The Glass'**


	9. Simple Dealings

**Hi guys, I managed to get out another chapter for you! I just wanted to let you all know that from now on, if you review, I will give you an excerpt from the next chapter.**

**Also, this chapter is pretty dark, and there is some violence and harsh language. I just wanted to warn you all.**

**Also, I just wrote two HG short stories called 'Your Ghost' and 'Forced Perspective' I would love it if people would give me some feedback. (hint hint) No pressure though, I know people are busy and I'm not very good at writing.**

**Disclaimer: wishing that I owned it, too bad I do not**

* * *

It was hardly a day after the FBI was assigned that they found Brian's house.

It was just outside of New York, in a thick forest area. He had cleared out a few of his belongings, but it was obvious that he'd been in a hurry to leave.

It was the place that nobody noticed, the place nobody even knew existed.

It was the perfect place for someone like him.

"We have located the suspect's home, but he seems to have vacated awhile ago. We were just wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a look around, maybe help us find his current location." Olivia said softly. She would do what she had to, even if it was an unsettling thought

Katniss stared blankly for a few seconds, unable to fathom having to go back to that house.

"It's no pressure of course," Ryan assured her. "You won't be forced to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

Her parents looked at her warily, convinced that reliving the memories could do only harm.

"I'll do it." she replied firmly.

"You're certain?" Olivia asked. "It's not going to be easy."

"I'm sure... I want to find him as badly as you do."

* * *

The drive to New York was tense, Katniss fidgeted the whole way there, not saying a word.

Peeta looked over at her constantly, reaching a hand to hold hers. He was worried about what going back to the place she'd been held captive was going to do to her.

She already had enough flashbacks.

"You don't have to do this." he broke the silence.

"I do. I'm not going to sit around moping when I could be helping them find him."

"There are other ways to help," he urged.

"Maybe there are," she scowled, turning towards him. "But right now this is what they need."

There was so much that she couldn't recall, moments that were blanks in her mind. Most of what had happened to her had been a blur.

"They're asking a lot of you."

"This is nothing compared to what I've gone through." she said through gritted teeth. "Maybe I'll remember something important."

"You shouldn't have to remember, you shouldn't have to relive all of that."

But she did... She needed to relive every moment shed spent in that house. She needed to remember every word he'd said.

"Why do you still care?" she blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Peeta was confused.

"Why do you follow me around, and comfort me? Why did you move back here? Your life is more than tagging along in mine."

"You know why..." he trailed off, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You could have any girl in the world and you chose me." she huffed. "I'm nothing but a broken doll."

"That's not true."

"Well everyone seems to think so, I heard your mom on the phone yesterday."

"I don't care what she thinks." he whispered.

"It doesn't change the fact that she does think I'm below you, that I'm just dragging you down." she sighed. "And she's right. You can't stay trapped in the past with me, you need to move on."

She could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve him.

"You really don't know the effect you can have. I can't let you go." he looked at her, his blue eyes sparkling. "I didn't let you go four years ago and I'm sure as hell not going to do it now."

She pursed her lips, looking away. "I just know you deserve more than this."

He deserved someone who would love him back; someone who wasn't afraid of the dark and covered in scars. He deserved someone he could marry one day, someone who could give him the children she knows he's always wanted.

She couldn't be any of those things.

"Don't you dare think you're not worthy, because I wouldn't have waited for just anybody." he said. "Katniss, I don't know anybody who can do the things you do. I don't know anybody so fierce and strong, and caring. You have flaws, but so do I. You're everything I have ever needed."

Actually, she could live a million lifetimes and never deserve him.

* * *

Katniss stood at the top of the staircase she knew so well, yet she couldn't force herself down the steps. Peeta stood by her side, merely being an anchor.

There were so many memories down in that cellar, so many moments of anguish and longing. So many times that she'd been strewn out across the floor, beaten and bloody, just wishing that he would kill her.

Her darkest secrets lay deep down at the bottom of the stairs.

She took a breath before her first step, slowly inching her way down.

1, 2, 3...

She reached for the light switch on the wall, the menacing room becoming illuminated with yellow light.

She'd never seen it this way before.

The door was open, and she could see every second of her captivity in that room.

There was the too-soft bed in the corner that she'd always chosen the floor over, the walls where she'd scratched in line after line, counting the days that she'd been trapped in the dark, and there was the faded leather jacket she'd been wearing the night she arrived.

All things that were real solid proof that she'd actually been there, and that it wasn't all just a horrible nightmare.

Then she noticed something in the corner, a small fluffy teddy bear.

She picked it up, remembering the burden that had come with it.

She grimaced, finally breaking the silence. "He was so angry at me Peeta, when I lost the baby." she looked at him. "He just kept yelling that if I wasn't good enough he would find someone else to replace me."

Peeta pulled her close, trying to comfort her.

"I'm worried that he did..." her voice cracked. "I'm worried that he's hurting someone else."

"They're gonna catch him," he held her face in his hands. "I'm sure of it."

She was just so close. Peeta could see her gray eyes swirl with doubt and he leaned in a little closer

She gasped and he pulled back, suddenly aware that he was overstepping boundaries. She wasn't ready for that yet. She just needed someone to hold her hand.

* * *

_4 years ago_

_Katniss fell to the ground, a sharp pain knocking through her body. She tried to shield her slightly swollen belly from the fall, landing on her side. Her body was on fire, the flames licking up her flesh vigorously._

_She watched drearily as Brian neared, trying to pull her up from the floor._

_"What's wrong Bitch?!" he yelled furiously._

_She couldn't answer, tears flowing freely from her heavy lidded eyes._

_She couldn't tell what was happening to her; all she felt was the searing pain that ripped through her body._

_She'd noticed some blood earlier, but hadn't thought anything of it. Now she knew something was wrong._

_"Please," she begged weakly. "I need.." she choked. "A hospital."_

_"You and I both know I can't do that." he replied harshly, getting more angry by the second. "You don't leave this house, ever."_

_Katniss whimpered as another shock hit her._

_There were two things she was sure of: she was losing her baby, and she was going to die._

_The next hour was a blur. She was stuck in a trance, watching the candle on the table flicker weakly._

_She was unaware of him yelling at her, screaming that it was her fault, and that she was useless, utterly useless._

_All she could see was red, the sticky substance smeared across the floor. Her mind could focus on nothing else..._

_Her baby was dead._

_He kicked her, shoving her into a wall roughly, and she was brought back to reality._

_"I will find somebody else." he threatened, his eyes red with anger. "You are nothing to me, you understand? You've done this too many times."_

_She sobbed, terror taking over her body. She hadn't done anything wrong, not really. She didn't understand what he meant... However, she wasn't surprised that she lost the child; she never saw the sun, hardly got enough to eat. The baby never really had a chance._

_Brian kicked her again, yelling profanities into her ears. However, she just refused to listen, once again confined within her thoughts._

_She really meant nothing to him. She was just one of many useless puppets-fun to play with at first, but eventually just a toy. He'd pulled on her strings too many times and they'd just snapped, her wooden body unable to lift itself off the ground. He had no use for her anymore, so she would be replaced. Instead, he would find a younger, more lively toy, another puppet to play around with. It was one ceaseless cycle of which he would never rid himself._

_She knew that she had little time left, she would have to escape._

* * *

**Alright, so I should explain. I don't take any of these subjects lightly, I didn't write about them because I thought it would make a good plot, I wrote about them because I think it's important to understand. I've seen the news, read all the stories about kidnapping victims. I know that the trauma isn't over after they're free. Many of the female victims did become pregnant, and some have probably miscarried. Miscarriage is a difficult topic, it has affected many women and it is something emotionally difficult to deal with.**

**I'm writing about hard topics because I hope that maybe, just maybe, I can help you guys understand.**


	10. Marionette

**Now a special chapter from Brian's POV. Yay? And for those of you wondering where the heck Prim is, well you probably won't love this chapter. Also, I'm warning you that this is a very strange topic for me to write about.**

**Warning: This deals with mature themes but nothing graphic, so I hope I'm still fitting my T Rating. **

**It sort of relates to a dark story I found in my family past that I've had a hard time dealing with. So I do as most writers do, and try to write about it. This is not exactly how it all happened, and I hope to write about all of it one day when I gather the courage.**

**If anyone has questions, please ask, I don't bite.**

**And I'm still giving an excerpt of the next chapter to each reviewer, so feel free to write a couple words for me.**

**Also, Prompts in Panem is starting up again in September, is anyone else participating? I'm so excited!**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing but a grumpy cat t-shirt**

* * *

_Sometime less than 4 years ago_

_Brian locked the door of his house, taking one glance at Katniss's limp body. He didn't have to worry about her anymore, she hardly even moved. She was just a broken toy._

_Time was ticking, and he had become bored with her. He needed someone young, and pretty, and innocent. A fresh face as some would say._

_He walked out into the forest, finding his old green truck parked behind an expanse of trees. He was always careful, careful enough to make sure no one would ever find him._

_He hit the highway, taking the nearly two-hour drive into Philly. Finding a new toy too close to home would be conspicuous._

_He walked down the crowded streets, scoping out his prey. There was an array of teenage girls, many too young, too old, too knowing for his taste. There were many who were scantily clad, trying to show off their young bodies, but that had never been his preference. He needed someone fresh._

_Brian adjusted the scarf around his neck, catching a glimpse of a young blonde girl. Her shiny hair was intricately woven, like a golden cord. She was exactly what he needed, someone so different from Katniss._

_This girl was pale, with eyes the colour of the sea. She was beautiful in a conventional way, with an innocence that shone through her young face. She couldn't have been more than 15 or 16. Yes, she was perfect._

_He followed her from afar, making it all the way to the small apartment that was her home. She was greeted by a fair couple who were undoubtably her parents._

_He would have to be careful_

_He returned many days that week, gathering information on this new girl._

_Her name was Primrose, she was sixteen years old. She went to a nearby high school and volunteered at the hospital on weekends._

_She was everything he was looking for, someone young, beautiful, and innocent._

_She looked just like her, just like Amelia._

* * *

_Brian Snow's father had been a formidable man._

_He was the CEO of Massive Logistics, one of the biggest companies in New York City._

_People looked up to his incredible, genius mind; after all, there was nothing that Coriolanus Snow couldn't do._

_Well, maybe there was one thing he could never manage to force himself to do._

_No matter what, Coriolanus could never love his son._

_He wasn't his son in the regular sense anyways, just the child of some man his wife had been fooling around with._

_He couldn't love someone else's child._

_He raised the boy as he trained the young foolish, employees of his company: with a firm hand and a harsh tongue. And his wife was punished in a similar fashion._

_He taught the boy who was not his son how to survive, then he sent him out to the streets. He was an embarrassment to the company, to the family, to his father._

_Soon enough the once privileged boy was forgotten, and he learned his way through the underground._

_Brian Snow just wished for a real family, and planned to have that dream no mater the cost._

_He became every bit Coriolanus Snow despite the fact that they were not related whatsoever... But, it would seem that his father taught him well._

_He learned soon enough that a fist was much more convincing than a plea, a shove more useful than a phrase. He learned how to achieve his dream, and hide his tracks. He learned to become a mad genius like his father._

_Soon enough, he met his beautiful wife Juliet. She had long dark hair that fell by her waist; and her eyes, they were a deep, stormy gray._

_But she'd always had a rebellious streak. Her life with him had never been enough, she'd longed for freedom, to travel and adventure. And she was stubborn, much too stubborn._

_He'd married her after her first husband had died, and with her came her darling six-year old daughter, Amelia._

_He'd always wanted a child of his own, and Amelia helped fill that need._

_But it was never enough._

_He got Juliet pregnant three times, and each time she lost the baby._

_It was then that he began taking after his father. The smallest mistake became enough to set his temper aflame._

_And eventually, his wife just wasn't enough._

_Amelia was carrying his child by age 16, and a week after they found out, Juliet took Amelia out for a drive and never came back._

_She'd driven the car right off a highway bridge._

_A year later he found himself taking a stroll through the city he used to call home, trying to clear his head. He was still so angry._

_He hadn't planned on taking her, but she'd looked just like his wife, just slightly younger. The resemblance was uncanny._

_Katniss Everdeen was practically an exact replica of his wife, down to the smoldering grey eyes and dark, luscious curls. She even had the fire that lurked within. She was exactly what he'd been looking for. _

_He hadn't had a choice really._


	11. Moments Lost Moments Found

**IMPORTANT:**

**Hey guys, so some of you might have heard that the US government is trying to pass a Copyright bill that would make illegal streaming of copyrighted works a felony. **

**This basically means that it would be illegal to stream cover song videos or lyric videos on youtube. This would also affect everyone here on FANFICTION. Anyone who writes about a character from Harry Potter, a character from Doctor Who, a character from Twilight, a character from The Hunger Games, etc. will be breaking the law and charged with a felony. THIS GOES FOR EVERY CHARACTER FROM EVERY STORY EVER. If the character was created by someone else and you use it in your story, you would be breaking the law.**

**This is also not the first time the government has tried to do this. Remember the internet blackout day back in 2011 when Google, Wikipedia, and sites like them shut down for a day to protest the SOPA bill? Well apparently the government made some changes to the same bill and is trying to pass it again. I am beyond annoyed and angry about this.**

**Personally, I am not a fan of Justin Bieber's music, but he was discovered on youtube by singing cover songs. Therefore, he could be sent to jail for breaking the law. He spoke up against the last SOPA bill attempt, and I can only hope that he and other musicians like him speak out against it this time as well. So many artists use other people's work merely to express themselves, it's not about making money. **

**There is a petition that is aiming to stop this, and the link is below. (take out spaces). **

**I am in fact Canadian but this project will affect me too. I cannot just watch this happen. **

**I am obviously unable to sign the petition but I am begging you all to do so. This is important!**

**.gov/petition/ stop-sopa-2013/LMzMVrQF**

**or google Stop SOPA 2013.**

**Please go sign it! Please spread the word! We need to stand up for our right to freedom of speech! We write because it's what we enjoy, it's how we express our point of view, and it's what we love. We have to do what we can to stop this from being taken from us. **

**Thank you. **

**I'm sorry that this is so long, but it is really important. **

**Now on with the story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, but I would love to continue writing anyways. **

* * *

It had been two months since the FBI had found Brian's abandoned home, two months since they'd gotten a single lead.

The man seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth.

Meanwhile, Katniss struggled to find her place again.

She couldn't stay trapped in this place, unable to move forward. Her education was lacking at best, she hadn't finished high school, so she took online courses.

Maybe she could get accepted somewhere local at least; she'd dropped her dreams of Harvard and MIT long ago, it seemed that State was her best shot.

She needed to get out into the real world, out of her parents' hair; she needed to find the independence she'd once had.

After all, she hated depending on people.

She pulled on her dark tresses, slowly braiding them together. Already the signs of her kidnapping were fading.

She'd gotten back to a normal weight, the colour had returned to her cheeks, and maybe, just maybe she'd lost that haunted look.

Of course, Peeta helped with that.

She'd been free for three months, that had to count for something. Yet still the dark cloud above her head rained heavily.

It seemed that he always had a hold on her.

Her parents had gone out of town (after much prompting) for a long needed vacation, so she was by herself for a few days.

She was surprised at how at ease she was being alone... It was somehow easier to deal with her memories without worrying about how it affected others.

It was only her.

She walked to the supermarket, just grabbing a few essentials. She of all people was not very demanding when it came to means of surviving.

And she personally wouldn't mind living off Peeta's baking for the rest of her life either.

Katniss stood in the check-out lineup, suddenly spotting a familiar face.

He turned towards her, his eyes wide in recognition.

"Katniss..." he whispered, almost with disbelief.

"Hey Gale." she looked him over.

He really didn't look that different, darker in the eyes maybe.

"I..." he started, unsure of what to say. "I wanted to see you, while you were in the hospital."

She shrugged, things had been tense between them. They hadn't really spoken since she'd gotten together with Peeta.

* * *

6 years ago

Gale Hawthorne had always figured that Katniss Everdeen would be his.

They'd known each other forever, and he'd taught her everything. He was always by her side, watching out for her, keeping her safe. He was one of her only friends.

He was the only logical choice.

Too bad Katniss was anything but predictable.

Suddenly, another pair of eyes were met across the hallway, the brilliant blue a great contrast to her stormy gray.

Something had changed, and Gale had not gotten a chance to notice.

The blond boy became the one to pick up her books, the one who stood by her side with a grin.

He was everything that Gale was not.

He watched as the girl he'd always thought was his fell for someone else. He watched as a smile lit up her face every time he neared, how she seemed to laugh at his every word.

He wished that he was the one who caused those things.

He did everything he could to pull her back to his side, but it just ended up making her hate him more.

He learned that he could never cross that line.

He'd barely brushed his lips against her before she became furious.

"What the hell was that for?!" Katniss yelled, pushing Gale's body off of hers.

He couldn't find the words to reply.

I love you? I want you? I care?

No...

He just wanted to know what it would be like. He wanted to know what kissing Katniss Everdeen would feel like.

From then on he stayed away from her, watching from afar as every step away from him lead her closer to Peeta.

His heart slowly shattered to pieces.

* * *

"You should have." Katniss said after awhile.

"What?" he asked, forgetting where the conversation had been.

"You should have visited me; I could have used a friend at the hospital."

"I didn't think we still were friends." he replied bitterly.

"We were once." she whispered, almost looking hurt.

He reached out a hand to pat her shoulder, his fingers brushing against her neck accidentally.

Katniss shivered, and for a moment, Gale's face transformed.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled involuntarily, jumping back from his touch.

He just looked shocked.

"I mean-" she started. "I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around her body, her head hanging in shame. There was no stopping the flow of memories that ran through her head.

She hadn't meant to lose control, but something about that situation had seemed all too familiar.

She fought back tears, pushing her way back into the line. She ignored her former friend's distraught expression. The faces around her blurred, asking her if she was ok. The simple whisper of 'I'm fine.' fell from her mouth continuously.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Was she really?

After she paid, Katniss ran into her car, unable to stop the flow of tears. Her body shook with sobs, and she couldn't stop. The memory was just out of reach, and that terrified her. She could feel cold hands around her neck, choking her, but nothing more. Why couldn't she remember?

Once she calmed, she drove in a trance to Peeta's apartment, but she couldn't make herself open the door. She had already thrown so much on his plate, he didn't need to know more of her problems. He didn't need her to be breaking down every few minutes, running to him for help. She just waited, frozen in place.

She didn't know how long she stood there, but eventually, Peeta came to the door.

"Katniss," he whispered.

She stood awkwardly, unable to move.

He grabbed her hand and brought her inside.

Peeta made tea for the both of them, and they sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other's company.

"Why do you keep helping me?" Katniss asked suddenly.

Peeta looked at her, his eyes intense. "Because I love you," he choked out. "I never stopped..."

He grabbed her hands, pulling her closer to his side. "You're so strong Katniss,"

"I'm not," she almost scoffed. She was anything but that.

She couldn't even sleep with her lights off.

"You escaped," he said. "You were there for four years and you escaped."

"I only managed because of you," she whispered. "I held onto the thought of you, and it kept me going." she blushed. "If I hadn't had you to come back to, I would have died in that house. Maybe it took longer than it should have, but Peeta," she looked up at him, eyes shining. "I realized that I love you."

He watched her cheeks flame at those words, loving the look on her face. They leaned closer and their lips brushed together for just a moment.

Peeta pulled back quickly. "I'm sorry..." he whispered.

She smiled, softly pressing her lips to his again. She hadn't known how much she'd missed this; feeling so loved and cared for.

"I used to dream about you a lot," he admitted. "Often nightmares about what was happening to you but every once in awhile, I would dream of what we could be like together. I saw you as my wife, as mine forever; and it was beautiful. You were as radiant as the sun... But then I'd wake up and you'd still be gone."

"And now? Do you still have nightmares?" surely he wasn't the only one who woke up with heart wrenching fear every morning.

"Yes..." he admitted. " But I'm ok once I realize you're here."

She reached her hands around his neck, running her fingers through his unruly curls. He kissed her again, more passionately.

"I love you," he whispered through kisses. "So much."

"Real?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Real Katniss," he held her close. "Always real.


End file.
